Marriage advice from Mom and Dad

publish Opened 2024-06-10 retroactively. Related to Views on marriage, and I guess Musings on everything else.

When I RSVP’ed to Anthony’s wedding on 2023-02-11 I was asked to recount the best marriage advice I’d ever heard. I don’t recall hearing any, so I asked Mom and Dad for theirs. They said something about toothpaste, and another thing. I forget exactly what, but this was response I ended up typing in my RSVP to Anthony’s wedding:

For raising kids:

It may be answered that one should wish to be both feared and loved. But because it is difficult to unite both qualities, one finds it far safer to be feared than loved when - of the two - either must be dispensed with.

Just kidding.

Advice I’ve heard echoed from married and long-term couples: set clear boundaries on all sorts of things, even (especially!) on fundamentals like how to communicate uncomfortable ideas.

And for some couples: buy separate toothpastes to avoid conflict over squeeze habits and emptiness thresholds.